Seek and recover

I felt like writing ( a feeling faint but welcome) and I thought what better place to do so than a blog I almost forgot about. I have been thinking a lot about what it means to be a woman in this society we have created, which in hindsight was the reason I created this blog in the first place. 
However,as I tried to find the words and a way to organize everything it meant to be a woman, I realized I first had to understand what it means to be human, and how that process has/is changing. You see, everything it means to be a real woman is subjective to the influences of the culture around her- and in THIS culture you have a jumble fuck of lost messages leaving a generation to be nothing but just that, a jumble fuck of lost messages.
 Trying to define anything in a culture where definitions no longer exist (everything is left to interpretation)  is like trying to rub one stick together to make fire, and even if you manage to break the stick into two separate pieces; you are left with such short ends that inevitably you'll just end up burning  yourself in the process. When what you needed the whole time was another stick all together. But instead of searching for new tools we continually build the same things with the same tools and have the same dumb look on our faces when we fail, again.
 We blindly march where we are told to march, buy what we are told to buy, watch what we are told to watch, SEE what we are told to see, say what we are told to say and WORSHIP who we are told to worship. We have placidly accepted the same doctrines that tore us down in the first place- to the point we dont even mind mocking our damn selves. We hold others to levels of accountability that we dont even hold ourselves to...... 
......I'm getting off track......

See, at first I wanted to write this as a living 'how-to' guide, a collection of ' do this's or dont do' this kind of assortment. But I've realized that while I can give you the dots, I cant connect them for you, and yet and still my collection of dots may not be the collection u need to draw the same conclusions. What I mean is, your path is not mine and vise versa, and whatever it takes to for any one individual reach their full potential is divine. What that being said I have decided to use this forum as more of a journal, chronicling my experiences, observations and analysis I see as they unfold and inviting you to draw the conclusions as you may.

To assign actual words to a concept solidifies it in a way that cannot be undone. For me to try and conceptualize everything it means to be a woman in today's society could never be fully justified as this concept is ever changing and ever evolving (I surly hope). My goal here is through my own candidness of interpersonal dialogue about the true seeds of my culture's insecurities and short comings- perhaps some will feel comfortable to explore these things on their own levels...I just wanna make you think. You don't have to think like me, in fact I welcome those who dont, for this paves the way for conversation and growth on BOTH our parts. I called us a jumble fuck of lost messages, never did I say that ALL the messages were good or even necessary; yet in still they are lost- I would prefer to find them all, place them on the table and be allowed to at least sort through them, not be force fed the ones someone else thought were relevant.

I'mma call this phase of my experiment - the seek and recover phase.

Preparing For Your Diva Debut......Developing your inner Diva

2011 -my first 'official' burlesque show

   I fell in love with the world of burlesque almost 2 years ago, but at first I wasn't sure if she loved me back. On stage, the glitz and glamour appeared magically, as if out of nowhere. However, as we quickly come to learn with most things in life;appearances can often be misleading...or misinterpreted.
   In the beginning (heheh, that sounds so biblical), back stage was chaos, traces of fringe thrown about, misc fishnet stockings hanging from mirror light bulbs, missed stage ques, and an assortment of fears amidst the performers.  Some were doubtful of their choreography, a few predicting wardrobe malfunctions, others concerned with their body images, and of course a couple doses of traditional stage fright. Over time things grew less and less complicated, new habits formed and protocol set in-and  the only thing that paved way for this growth was not experience, it was not a class, nor a book, or a YouTube video- it was simply confidence. Now, don't hear me as saying that experience and classes and such did not aid in the finished product, but those factors alone mean nothing without the element of confidence, you can STUDY something all you want, but if u lack confidence in yourself, you will forever hold yourself back and the efforts of your study will be in vain. The glitz and glamour are magical, and the magicians trick is confidence.
   This month, I began planning my role in one of the biggest festivals supporting the art of burlesque in Kansas City, Fringe Fest. Show prep is tedious, detail oriented, and often very sweaty ;making art look easy is actually a bit difficult. The behind the scenes process is the foundation for ANY diva, regardless of your particular art, talent or skill.
 How we prepare for life and approach  all opportunities, big or small will ultimately determine the height of our successes. Confidence creates accountability. The more confident you become, the more likely you are to begin doing things to back up that confidence. You will want to study, practice, and research your art because now you have set a higher standard for yourself and are not afraid to actually go for it. People who want to do things, do things. People who want to become things, become things, and people who want to talk about doing and becoming things, TALK about doing and becoming things...catch my drift??

  I have come to notice that people that lack confidence hang out in the same place.....it's called, THE BOX!!!! BEWARE OF THE BOX!!!! There are few things I believe in being afraid of, the box is at the top of that list. It is the ugly evil cousin of the black hole and it will attempt to drain your diva-ness from every pore of your soul. Everything that has and will ever exist was once upon a time someones out of the box idea, and without confidence many great idea would have been abandoned out of fear. Do not let this happen to you. Do not let labels, stereotypes, negativity, expectations or image rob you of seeking the lessons you need on your individual path.

***Diva Assignment 2***
My favorite part of show prep is pampering myself, it reminds me of what it means to be a woman, it makes me feel sexy and sensual and ALIVE. Every diva needs this. Begin thinking about your pampering session early in the day, keeping in mind that ALL of our experience occur first in the mind, the more you amp this pampering session up in your mind the better. However, your actual experience does not have to be complicated. Focus on thinking about how relaxing your bath is going to be that evening, imagine the bath scents you will use, perhaps a glass of wine, some soft music and a candle. I often splurge on new bath products when I stressed and it ALWAYS helps. Wearing sexy lingerie under  your work clothes is also VERY helpful, it's like having on a dirty lil secret all day, try it...I especially love thigh high stockings with garter belts! Adding a touch of sexuality and sensuality does wonders for restoring a womanly balance amidst the chaos of life.
  After you have teased yourself mentally, indulge yourself. Let time be free and celebrate yourself...all, and I do mean ALL of yourself. Be comfortable with and within your own skin, every inch. It is a proven fact that the more time you spend unclothed the more comfortable you will become with your body- so get naked and chill, by yourself. Put on some grooves, light some incense paint your toes, through on an egg white facial with some cucumbers over your eyelids, and just lay in your bed naked for a good while....if you begin to feel daring get up, dance, stretch, clean..whatever but do it naked!!! I promise you there is a method to my madness, stick with me!





 

How it all began....How I became a diva ( the condensed verison)

When I was six years old a family friend brought over a camcorder (this is was BIG deal at the time) and I took to the camera like a moth to a flame. A rather uninhabited moth. I was taught brains before beauty ( a very valuable lesson,) so my debut began with me reading a short story to my audince but after that was the real show. Using my cabbage patch doll cassette player I danced my lil heart out to "Micky, she's got a crush on you" by Minnie Mouse. I was wearing one of my church dresses, the kind lil girls love spinning around in causing the dress to flair- and I was just a twirling and twirling and twirling and my dress was rising and rising and rising....then, a voice from the abyss (otherwise known as my mother) yells, "Kahtea Monique if u show your underwear on TV one more time you are getting a whooping"...... yet and still here lay my humble beginning.

Technically, my formal dance training began when I was three so being in the spot light was nothing new to me. The confidence that dance planted in me quickly grew and throughout my youth I was engaged in countless activities. From fencing, track, and gymnastics to band, Honors Society and drama club and everything in between, I did it all...and I was good at it all. I loved being the center of attention and I commanded it from the moment I walked into the room.

However, not all attention was good attention. Haters, yep they even existed way back then. I struggled at points with what I later learned was intense jealousy from my peers. At the time, when the notion was first brought to my attention, I dismissed it as crazy, I came from a broken and impoverished home, what would I have that could possibly make anyone jealous??


What I had (and still have) was a certain uniquiness that is hard to define even now...but its defination is really unnessecary because its different for everyone. From a very young age I was never afraid to be me ( or whatever I concieved myself to be at that time.) I didnt seek much outside approval for the things I sought that brought positivity in to my life. I saw the importance in learning new things, gaining new perspectives,and striving to be a well rounded individual. I found what works for me and I work it like there's no tomorrow ( for all we know there might not be!)

**DIVA LESSON**Now, with all that being said, the only way to find what works for you is to TRY NEW THINGS, BE OPEN MINDED, and FREE YOURSELF from labels, social restraints, conformity. Its really ok to let your hair down ( hell, let the boobies go free from time to time too!) The key to it all is balance, spiritually, emotionally, financially, physically and yes, sexually.

Through this path, I am happy to report that I have significantly lowered the number of haters over time. Part of this I attribute to nothing more than age and maturity of my peers, but a significant amount came from centering myself, encouraging others and continuing to show the remaining 'haters' that their efforts were in vain. I've come to understand that jealousy is a natural human emotion that most struggle in finding appropriate outlets for, and instead of letting their jealousy channel me into 'bitch-mode', we all stood to gain when I simply helped redirect, encourage and remain positive. There is enough room on this planet that we ALL can be DIVAS.

In fact, the more DIVAS the better, because a TRUE DIVA will bring something unique and different, something all there own to the table....and the table will flourish.


**DIVA ASSIGNMENT #1** Get loose, turn down the lights and turn up the music...and dance, dance like no one is watching ( cause they aint) and dance like you've never danced before,dance like your life depends on it, it really does. Move your body piece by piece then all together. Experiment with different styles and different music , and loose yourself in the different beats. Dance cause your happy, dance cause your sad, dance because u can and your soul needs it. Movement frees energy and the more you do it the better you will feel, I promise.

A Diva awakening....

Some divas are born, most are created but all have one common understanding...to be a diva you must own everything you do. Every venture you seek, every word you speak and every dream you chase is yours and limited by nothing other than the confines of your own mind. It is not a certain walk, a particular style of dress, or light switch style charm ( although all those things will come into play) but rather it is more an attitude, an beautiful accompaniment of confidence and kindness guided by sass and passion. This is the root of the inner diva....


My inner-diva lay dormant and hidden for many years, trapped by confusion and surrounded by disillusion. We are submerged in a world where sexuality is so abundantly shoved into our faces and glorified but yet shunned at the same time. This contradiction creates a rather perplexing situation for any young dame such as myself. I'd felt the true power of being a woman rise from between my legs and I REFUSED to believe that it was anything less that magical- so thus began my quest to return the power of sexuality back to the woman and out of the hands of those attempting corrupt it's true potential.
With all that being said, the purpose of this blog is to serve as a central meeting places for the various avenues I am using to drive this diva moment. My own arsonal of experiances, both peronsonally and professionally ( as a Pure Romance Consultant, burlesque performer, model, dancer extrodiare) serve as my launch pad but the real fuel will come from you guys, my customers, clients, co-consultants, friends and family. With such a broad array of sources from which to draw upon, my goal is to provide a comprehensive, defined and logical guide to all aspects of being a real women and thus......A DIVA